I have two children. One is an INTJ and the other one isn’t. The one that isn’t still lives at home. We have butted heads and danced around each other since the day she was placed in my arms. Tonight, as I was sitting at my computer at the kitchen table, she was talking to me. I was minimally listening, since she is always talking, and I try to keep a small track of my brain open to offer a response when needed.
My daughter is not an introvert. She is deeply emotive. She has no sense of logic or time. She has a photographic memory and does not forget anything. Everything is black and white to her – no shades of grey. It drives me crazy!
One of our dogs had melted snow-flakes and Susan asked if she should wipe down the dog. “She’ll dry.” was my response. I didn’t realize I answered until Susan started laughing and said “My life.. ..the story of my life, being raised by a Browne sister.” We both started laughing, knowing she meant that all 5 of my sisters think the same way I do – an assortment of INTJs raising mostly INTJs.
I took the time to explain that before I answered her: I knew that the dog was wet with water (not milk or soda, something that would require a bath) and that the house was warm, that she would not be on the furniture, that the snow had not been that heavy on her coat, and I thought that using a towel to dry the small amount of moisture would be wasteful (washer, dryer, not having the towel as a resource for other things.) Thus, my logical answer: No, you don’t need to dry the dog. But what came out of my mouth while I was working on a project was shorthand for what my brain knew it meant.
Susan is beginning to understand that what comes out of my mouth, or how I may act is likely not the best representation of how I think and feel, and she is learning not to look at me and judge my responses and actions based on her “black/white” value system. She is amazed that I go through that type of thought process so quickly, that anyone can. (A silly example, but it shows what happens in my head when I’m not even thinking to make a decision or response – in less than half a second.) She knows she needs to get my full attention and have it, focused, in order to receive the feedback and feeling that she wants and needs. We have both come a long way with this in the past year.
I sat down to write about raising an INTJ but that will have to wait for another time. This one is about a brief encounter between my non-INTJ and her mom.
Categories: INTJ and INTP