Anne Squared

Life filtered through the lens of an INTJ, Mom, and healthcare professional.

Is It Love? (or I Need More Data)

My son was here for a few hours yesterday. Spring break is underway and he is on his way to watch spring training – sports and the stats are one of his passions since he was a toddler. Some time in the future I will blog about how “deeply” INTJ he is/was growing up, but now I want to talk about the young man I had lunch with yesterday.

John changed his major 3 times and tried 2 internships since starting college. He did not complete either internship. I supported the decision to stop. This was a child who would never attempt any activity unless he knew he could perform it without a flaw. It took years to convince him that there will be things he may never know he likes and can be passionate about unless he tries – because somethings cannot be learned by watching.

He is excited that the golf course is opening the week after spring break ends – he tried golf and his game is improving. He loves the game, isn’t good at it, but is learning to play. He talked at length about his major – finance. He found his passion with numbers. He is involved with 2 research projects involving finance and loves being part of that. He loves statistics. Though he is the only undergrad on the project, thus has the “grunt” work, he loves being part of something bigger. He has decided on law school. He feels good, he is eating a healthy diet, plays basketball several times a week.

He and a few other students started a new student club on campus – one to promote Leadership skills. This was a quality recognized in him during high school, and had he been in a large public school, that skill would likely have gone undeveloped. But the teachers at his school used every opportunity to get John to exercise that skill, in a safe environment, then competitively (at his request.) His high school was not satisfied with a 4.0 – they were set on developing the potential of every student. And now John helps others who want to develop that skill. He was also coaching his extroverted sister on how to meet new people and make new friends.

John is a 19-year-old junior. He has a scholarship and finances his own education. He knows how to think critically and that choices have consequences. He hit a bump or two in the road the first year at college, freedom + peer pressure. I don’t fix things for him, but I am by his side so he knows he is not alone. (He had to go through the rebellious stage at some point.) He knows he can tell me anything. I may get upset, but that will pass and I will always be there for him.

We talked for several hours on the few topics I mentioned above – remember, we are INTJ’s 🙂  Then, something very strange happened. He morphed from a financial wiz kid into a typical, college kid – truly a physical difference. His bright blues eyes, softer, mouth, smiling – “I have something to tell you; I have a girlfriend.”  They met in a class, worked on a project, then started “hanging out.” He poured out details about her, his eyes and face glowing. My heart is happy for him. (I am ignoring the fact that she is graduating in a few months, and he is going to law school.) I did catch that she can talk sports, her family lives a stone’s throw from my family’s grave yard  and that the two of them are “exclusive.”  I just wanted to listen to the joy in his voice, the sound of happiness of connecting with another person. He needed this type of connection with another person.

I asked him if the age difference bothered him; he has always been sensitive to being the youngest in his group. I wish I had a picture of the look on his face or at least the talent to describe it in words – “Are you kidding me? I’m 19. I have a beautiful, kind, brilliant, 23 year old as my girlfriend. What part of that would bother me?” Yeah, he’s a guy.

(Now, how do I get her to take the Myers-Briggs assessment….hmmm… not the interfering mom, just collecting more data 😉 )

Categories: INTJ and INTP

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7 replies

  1. I’m an INTJ as well, though the general rule is INTJ is just a set of how you assimilate data. All INTJs like data in order to produce decisions, but the similarities end there. As a rule, i’m not a numbers individual. They bore me. I play with Fractals and Differential Calculus, get bored, teach myself biochemistry, get bored and rubber-band back to Astrophysics. Words, essentially, or rather the variability and applicability of them have always concerned me more than numbers.

    Anyway, I tend to lump Carl Jung and the MBT in the same category as the Enneagram and Zodiac. Jung and later MBT is suggestive of how we gather data and analyze it, Enneagram is how we experience data, and the Zodiac ( in my words ) is how we might process it and put it to use. If you haven’t checked out either of those – might be worthwhile – if just entertaining.

    But yeah, as an INTJ living outside of the realm of possibilities is difficult. I never picked up a girlfriend at college, in fact I ended up getting bored with it. Not challenging enough, etc.

  2. I’m looking forward to seeing that in my kids too. My eldest has a girlfriend although it may be difficult for her to do the MBTI since they are both in 1st grade … cute.

    • First grade seems like moments ago some days. (I’ll see if I can’t come up w/ a modification of the MBTI for early elementary for you – have nothing planned for the weekend 😉 lol.)

  3. Oh yeah… Never have gotten the “Oh, mom!” and hands covering the ears? 😉 heehee

  4. Ah, the things I have to look forward to. With an almost 16-year-old son, it won’t be long now…

    • I think that boys are easier than girls – just my 2 cents. But both kids have been getting my “public health” lectures about safe sex, condoms, nutrition, ETOH, etc., etc. What can we do but our best, they let them learn to fly. (And we have to avoid the PH statistics on males in the age range of 18-25.)

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