Anne Squared

Life filtered through the lens of an INTJ, Mom, and healthcare professional.

INTJ Parenting an INTJ (or “Part 1 of ‘What is Wrong with this Picture of the KC Chiefs?'”)

ObituaryImage Loren G. “Sam” Lickteig passed away on Nov. 14, 2012 of complications from MS and heartbreaking disappointment caused by the Kansas City Chiefs football team. A celebration of life is set for Tuesday, Nov. 20 at 11 a.m. at Coronation of Our Lady Catholic Church……

Great respect to Mr. Lickteig, his family and friends.  He was very ill, he loved his team, and he had a great sense of humor. His obituary went viral! 
My son, an avid, rabid KC Chief’s fan, and fellow INTJ with a sense of humor to rival his mother’s, appreciated the obit I posted to his FB page. (I am on double-secret probation for the type of material I post there – this one won his stamp of approval.) Twelve hours later the tragic news about the KC Chiefs player, Jovan Belcher and his dramatic suicide at the stadium and went viral. (Belcher also murdered Kasandra Perkins.) 
My son sent a distraught text to me informing me of the suicide. I told him I would check into it and text him back. (Put reference tags on me besides “mom”: therapist, crisis intervention, researcher, suicide hotline, epidemiologist, tenacious, INTJ, INTP, CDC, XX chromosomes, FEMA). I included in a text that he might want to take down the obituary of Mr. Lickteig; my son had not yet seen his FB page. Friends and family were flooding posts to this page with news – I could hear the collective cry of anguish as I looked at his actively silent Facebook page. Yes, “suicide is painless” to everyone but the survivors. A new generation was learning a very difficult lesson. So I started to look…
There was little news, but based on the position Belcher played and some info that kept bumping around in my head… from research articles I’d recently read in order to separate out the cause of different types of dementia for a project I was working on… I found this site: Center for the Study of Traumatic Encephalopathy at Boston University. (Go ahead and click on it – it should be an active link.)

Center for the Study of Traumatic Encephalopathy

What is Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy?

It is a progressive degenerative disease of the brain found in athletes (and others) with a history of repetitive brain trauma. These can include concussions with or without symptoms (“asymptomatic subconcussive hits”.) Signs and symptoms can include   “memory loss, confusion, impaired judgment, impulse control problems, aggression, depression, and, eventually, progressive dementia.”

This link should take you to the press releases if you prefer the non-scientific version, but it also gives access to the entire site.

I relayed what I understood about this information, along with some other possibilities to my son. Mother-to-son. He understood. “Not for public release”, no proof, my best guess based on the information available. We would have to await the autopsy results for more conclusive results.

My son is 19, a college junior. At a very young age he required explanations that involve exquisite detail, logic, and a lot of time. When people would hear me giving complex information to a 3 year old, they would question my parenting skills and often my sanity (permit me an exaggerated eye-roll, please.)  All I can say is they never successfully parented a gifted INTJ. (It has its challenges.) At a very young age he indicated the need for the facts. So I gave them. No bullshit – nice. I can speak that language. (Side note – I stopped watching movies because of his constant questioning and need for information during the movie, of which I had no more knowledge than he did – 2 INTJ’s at a theater should probably sit in separate rows.)

The story is unfolding as I read and write…and I started it as a “nod” to both my 1st and 50th follower (and everyone in the middle) on my blog, which happened very recently. Because of 1 and 50, a public health theme was crying out to me…and this one popped out and … 

Do you have your obituary written? Would you rather leave your final words to another?



Categories: Family Issues, INTJ and INTP, Public Health

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

5 replies

  1. I can relate to what you said about raising an INTJ son. The need for facts never ends, nor do the questions. Then again, I am the same way, so I guess the real sufferer here is my husband. 😉 Lucky for him I’m not much of a chatterer otherwise. On the other hand, I love that my son takes very few things at face value. He likes to discover the why’s and the how come’s behind things.

    • I do not mind the constant questioning and seeking of knowledge. And when I am learning something new, I will ask questions constantly to learn the information. (This was discussed in my leadership class using the reports from MBPI feedback – but phrased in a very nice way in the MBPI report- as an annoying trait by INTJ’s.(Those are my words.) People may see the questions as criticism if they are not confident about themselves or their skills, or if they do not have the answers. Others are not bothered by it at all. The point of leadership was to recognize this in INTJ’s and realize they are not being critical, but it is their preference for learning information – and as leaders we need to “flex” to accommodate their style.

  2. I would love to be a fly on the wall with two INTJ’s. There are a number of INTP’s in my family along with INFP, ISTJ, ESFP and ESTJ and one INFP/J.
    So far I can only recognise Austin’s type out of my children. When he was 3 he asked me while sitting at a cafe, “what is on the wall behind you underneath the map?” It was truly a wonderful moment bringing tears to my eyes.
    So do you mean wrong with leaving final words to another? I definitely want to write my own to avoid any lightweight, vague and nondescript words, that would be a disaster.
    Nice researching by the way!

    • Thanks for your sharing your kiddos and thoughts! I love to hear about the young ones and the insights they have as they discover the world – spontaneous and so full of wonder! I was far removed MBPI when I was raising my children. It wasn’t hard to recognize his strong introverted side before 1 year, the analytical before 18 months. (I wasn’t working the “letters” yet, just observing his behavior and approach to learning…ever the analytical mom.)

      Obituary customs seem to vary by region. I have been places where some are very elaborate – they are almost short stories. Other places are brief and to the point.

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